HELP FOR BLENDED FAMILIES
HELP FOR BLENDED FAMILIES
By Safiyyah P. Muhammad
Ronnie and Lamar Tyler, an Atlanta husband and wife team, have announced the release of their new stepfamily documentary titled “Blended: The Unspoken Truth About Stepfamilies.” The power couple kicked off their documentary beginning September 16th, which was nationally recognized as National Stepfamily Day.
Dwayna Clark,” Staff Assistant for Tyler New Media, said, “The 76-minute film speaks to the complexities of stepfamilies and how couples can work through the sometime difficult struggles that stepfamilies face. Couples in blended families are 70% likely to divorce, therefore, the documentary brings to light how couples can keep the family united and at the same time hold on to their marriages.”
According to the Blended movie’s website, the film taps into the dynamic of stepfamilies, while painting a picture of how parents and children overcame obstacles to solidify family unit.
Ronnie Tyler, mother of four, co-founder of Tyler Media, and the creator of Black and Married with Kids website, disclosed her reaction to a discipline statement made by her then fiancé
Lamar Tyler. “When Lamar and I were engaged, I got my first glimpse of this stepfamily dynamic. We had an argument about how I disciplined my kids. I can’t even remember exactly what we argued about, but I remember he said the word “ridiculous,” and he also said the words “You need to… I was so angry with him. I was hurt. I was insulted. I thought: “The nerve of him. He doesn’t even have kids, so how dare he tell me how to raise mine.” Lamar Tyler said on an average, it takes about 7 years for a family to blend. He added that taking time to blend also depends on the child’s age, because, according to him, infants and toddlers quickly attach themselves to biological parents and step parents alike.
Tyler also explained why statistics show greater numbers of stepfamilies in the Black community as opposed to other communities. He said, “There is a higher rate of out-of-wedlock births in the African-American community and the fact that we have a higher divorce rate, we have more blended families. When a marriage occurs in the African-American community, someone in that marriage already has children in that relationship.”
When couples in blended families run into marital problems, Clark advises them is to seek professional help. “When couples hide their marital problems or choose not to get the professional help needed, this exacerbates their problems. Professional help serves as a bridge to getting through difficult period. It is also important for them to talk to other couples. Talking to other couples will help them understand that they are not alone and that there are plenty of couples out there facing similar issues,” she said.
Tyler also commented that before couples commit to having blended families, they should know what the family expectations are and they should talk about those expectations up front. Secondly, he said the couple needs to address the issue of how children will be disciplined, an issue he said comes up a lot in blended families, adding, it is important to always be willing to work out issues as they manifest. Thirdly, the family should establish ground rules.
Clark said that there are 1,300 new blended families forming every day and more than 50 percent of Americans marry into blended families. “Because of the lack of content and resources for these families, parents and children in these families are left to navigate difficult issues on their own, she said.
Clark said, in the Blended family film, three couples sat down and recounted their stories of being step parents. Top family experts in the film shared their advice and knowledge on how to make stepfamilies work. The film features Stepfamily Author and Therapist, Ron Deal; Jennifer Keitt, radio host at 104.1FM Atlanta; and Director for National Stepfamily Resource Center, Dr. Francesca Adler-Baeder, among others.
According to Tyler, he and his wife will host the upcoming, “Shift: Blended Family Boot Camp,” event on November 12th at the Cobb Galleria Center, in Atlanta. Tyler said the event is designed to attract blended couples from all across the country,so they will get the necessary help and resources needed to have a successful marriage. Ms. Clark said the featured speaker for the Shift event will be Ron Deal. The cost of the event is $125 per couple.
The Tylers are producers of several films including Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me, Men Ain't Boys, and Still Standing. To learn more about the film “Blended: The Unspoken Truth About Stepfamilies,” and the upcoming Blended Family Bootcamp, go to www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com
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